Amanda Dickinson

This post is about a monkey and a banana, a Casting Crowns song, and my stubbornness. Those may sound like completely random things but all play a part in my learning to “let go and let God.”  We all have flaws after all we are human. Two of my biggest flaws are my stubbornness and my need for control. I like to do things my way, after all I tend to think it’s the best way so why wouldn’t I want to do it my way? See, controlling and stubborn. So you can imagine when I have a certain plan for my life I don’t easily let it go. So it’s safe to assume I didn’t like or appreciate being thrown some curveballs this past August and September. They didn’t fit into my plan for my life. I found God trying to show me the same lesson I have yet to learn; once again he was showing me that I am not in control and once again I argued back. Which brings me to the first part of my story.  This was not the first time God and I had words on the subject. This has been a long term lesson and one I have

This was inspired by a photo taken of my grandmother (Nanny) by my uncle and given to me by my mother. It is a photo that speaks of the love and history between a couple as their journey on this earth has come to an end. It is definitely a photo that speaks a thousand words.  This is not only for my grandparents but all of those couples that have battled life together and miss their battle partner and to those of us aspiring for this type of marriage.  How do I say goodbye? How do I say goodbye? For this I have no answer. I look down at my hands bent with age and instead see them as they were when you first took my hand when we were a couple of kids just trying to figure out this life. Then as they were when you took my hand in marriage and we were two kids saying we would figure out this life together. I bring my hands to my eyes to wipe away the tears and I am brought back to all of the times I brought my hands to my eyes as I attempted to wipe away sleep during those sleepless night

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have days when I handle the past few months better than others. Even on the good days inevitably there will be a moment or two that I find myself struggling with the weight of it all. Feeling as if I don't know how I'm going to do it all.  We may be home now, in fact Kaleb has officially been home for a month now, but it has become a new set of crazy. Currently we are averaging two  doctor appointments a week and caring for a baby that comes with wires and a cart of equipment. Last week I had one of these moments as I drove to the health department to fill out paperwork for Kaleb to begin therapy. On my drive I was thinking about the fact that I was signing my child up to begin physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. I was also worried about an insurance issue with one of Kaleb's monitors, my mind would then bounce to all I needed to do in preparation for the upcoming semester, and trying to figure out how I was g