Amanda Dickinson

Today the world lost a great man. Often times that statement is said whenever someone loses a loved one. Today is my turn to say it as today is the day I lost my grandpa or the man I named Papa. What makes someone a great man? I could talk about his experience in the military, the hardworking man he was on his farm, the husband of sixty-four years to my grandma, long time deacon of the church, or father to my mother and uncle. I won’t speak to those things. I know of them, some more than others, but my experience my relationship comes from that of a granddaughter speaking of her grandfather. You have all heard the expression of “your happy place.” “Go to your happy place, visualize your happy place.” This is used in order to calm you, to bring you back from stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, or various other emotions. My “happy place” has always consisted on one place; my Nanny and Papa’s house. I believe there are many reasons for this. Perhaps it might be Nanny’s meals, especi

As I reflect on this past year I think about the whirlwind that has been our lives, from the miscarriages to Kaleb's dramatic entrance into the world/NICU staff, and all the moments in between. There are many different trails of thought I could venture down but the one I am focusing on is my husband. Most of my posts center around our boys (K1 and K2) and my thoughts since I'm the one penning our experiences. Unfortunately TJ often doesn't get the recognition he deserves. This year has not only taught me more about myself than any other year but it has taught me so much about the man I married. This year has tested our marriage. There have definitely been rough times, then again what do you expect. We are human, not to mention two of the most stubborn people on the planet. I won't speak for him but I believe it has ultimately made us more united than ever. We are a team.  I could talk about various ways he has been there for me this year, especially when I was put on be

It is amazing to see the growth of Kaleb. He has gone from being born at 2lb 2oz to now a whopping 9lb 2oz. I wanted to put together a video highlighting the growth and NICU journey of Kaleb Craig. Thank you to our family and friends for all of the support, love, and prayers. Kaleb's NICU Journey

As I sit here holding my breath as I wait and see if we're going to get lucky and get both boys to fall asleep my heart is full. It's crazy how quickly this has become our new normal and I love it. With Kaleb being a preemie we are basically home bound other than getting out for his doctor's appointments, but I don't mind. After three months of being an hour away from him I'll take all the time I can get.  I do find myself smiling as we travel with Kaleb to appointments. I think back to when I was a new mom traveling with Kaden and I thought it was hard, how much stuff there seemed to be to bring and remember. Now with Kaleb, thanks to TJ, we have a method that we both agree isn't as bad as we feared as we travel with all Kaleb's extra accessories. Kaleb has forced us to slow down and spend more time at home instead of always on the run. You could say we are hibernating for the winter. This has allowed us the time to learn how to be a family of four. I may n

Sitting here in Kaleb's nursery rocking him I look around his room and think about how many people have contributed to his room. How incredibly loved he is. I look at the decals I searched for and then put up with the help of his daddy. The chair I am sitting in given to us by Heather who sometime soon I will trust to oversee his care during the day. The little bear on the nightstand that Haley helped me pick out for him before we left the NICU. On the bookshelf sits the Curious George from Nana. I also see the Panda bear from Rance, Jessica, and Heath.  Baskets purchased while shopping with Courtney. Even the cart that his Grammy and Gramps found so that we could put all of his medical equipment on so that we could wheel it around the house. Everything in his room all the way down to the baseboards and doors finished by Daddy and Dalton were a work of love as we prepared the room for our little K2. The NICU family print that will soon be on the wall above his dresser, signed by th

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you. Isaiah 41:13 We are on our third day with Kaleb home. I'll admit it's tough. I knew it would be an adjustment getting into a new routine with two little boys but I'll admit it's the extra accessories that came home with Kaleb that gets to me. Equipment that we are both thankful for and frustrated with. The oxygen and two monitors allow us to sleep better knowing that he is doing okay. Its frustrating being limited to a certain radius and not being able to freely move around the house. It is a two person job to move him to the living room in the morning and then back to his room at night. All the cords and machines are constant reminders that while we may be home from the NICU that we are still on a journey different than we had anticipated. It is hard. I never imagined setting up the nursery would consist of thoughts on where to plug in monitors and store a

For three months or to put it another way for 99 days Kaleb has been in the NICU. For those 99 days we have worked to create a new routine, a new sense of normalcy. It was not a normal we were fond of, who wants to drive an hour to be able to get to their child everyday. Somehow though it did become the routine. In that routine which was hard and very physically and emotionally draining there were good things I will take from it. It gave the chance for TJ to have special time with Kaden as he really stepped up and focused on Kaden getting him fed, dressed, bathed, and dropped off/picked up from daycare. TJ was a rock and Kaden was such a trooper knowing that Momma was with Kaleb taking care of him and his "boo boos." The hour drive each way gave me time. Time to grieve and vent my frustrations to God. Time to praise him for this trying time because it meant that there was a baby that was alive and getting the chance to grow. Time to blare music and for a brief time forget abo

Going through the NICU journey I have been consistently asked how we have managed, what it’s been like for us, and how we are doing. Well one thing that has been very therapeutic for me is writing. I have always loved writing whether it is in my journal or writing stories. As I found myself traveling to and from Tulsa not always having my journal, I began to type my thoughts. Finally after going back and forth on beginning a blog I decided to share some of my thoughts. Some have told me I seem to be pretty positive about all of it and I am, but I can assure you I have plenty of rough days too. It is also very intimidating to put my thoughts out there for others to read. It is one thing to share updates on Kaleb’s progress through this journey, and quite another to share how I have and am processing this journey. I have decided that so many people have traveled and followed this journey with us that I wanted to be able to give an inside look at this crazy adventure that has been Kale