Skip to main content

My heart is full

As I sit here holding my breath as I wait and see if we're going to get lucky and get both boys to fall asleep my heart is full. It's crazy how quickly this has become our new normal and I love it. With Kaleb being a preemie we are basically home bound other than getting out for his doctor's appointments, but I don't mind. After three months of being an hour away from him I'll take all the time I can get.  I do find myself smiling as we travel with Kaleb to appointments. I think back to when I was a new mom traveling with Kaden and I thought it was hard, how much stuff there seemed to be to bring and remember. Now with Kaleb, thanks to TJ, we have a method that we both agree isn't as bad as we feared as we travel with all Kaleb's extra accessories.

Kaleb has forced us to slow down and spend more time at home instead of always on the run. You could say we are hibernating for the winter. This has allowed us the time to learn how to be a family of four. I may not be making gourmet meals but I am enjoying trying to make a few more meals again and getting to eat together again as a family. I am loving how my husband continues to amaze me as I watch him with both of our boys as we work together as equal partners to care for our boys and the house. I'm loving bath time when I hear Kaden playing with his toys in the bath while I bathe Kaleb. I love watching Kaden love on Kaleb. He thinks he has to help put him to bed at night and help get him up in the morning. My heart is full. 

Today we had one of Kaleb's appointments. While at his appointment we learned Kaleb is now 9lb 2oz. He has officially gained seven pounds since birth. After his appointment we went back to visit some of our extended family, our NICU family. While we are so unbelievably happy to be home it was great to see our NICU family again. I can't begin to explain the impact that this special group of people have had on our hearts. While Kaleb may never remember these superheroes that cared for him during his first three months, when they were the ones better equipped to care for him than we were, we will remember and be forever grateful for them. It is no exaggeration to call them family. When your child is in their care, when you know it is their hands caring for and loving him when you cannot, they become family. Thank you to all who helped care for our Kaleb. The saying it takes a village definitely holds true for Kaleb. I am so excited to hang his NICU family print displaying all of the signatures in his room to be a visual reminder of his first home and special members of our family. As I said my heart is full. 




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

These Adventures We Call Life: A New Diagnosis

I’ve unpacked most of our luggage from vacation. Laundry and dishwasher are both running. I’m now sitting here in the recliner researching and reading, trying to expand my knowledge on Kaleb’s latest diagnosis. I am reading about cerebral palsy, or more specifically, spastic diplegia CP. The movie Avatar is playing in the background. Why do I mention the movie playing when I have much more on my mind today after Kaleb getting yet another diagnosis added to his seemingly ever growing file? It’s because the choice in movie.
After a few minutes I am reminded as my heart aches from processing this new piece of information that this movie ironically was on the tv on another hard day in my life. That realization, the recall of that memory, and life following suddenly makes it easier to process this new added section to Kaleb’s file. That day was the day after Kaleb’s diagnosis of Down syndrome. It was also our last night in the hospital. I was going to be discharged the following day. TJ an…

Happy birthday: I Love You Stinky Face

Happy birthday Kaleb! Every birthday a person experiences is special but I'm not sure one has held so much significance for me as your first birthday. In some ways I feel that it is my own, since it signifies the beginning of my own transformation.

I think back to this past year filled with all the tears, heartaches, prayers, cuddles, hope, and love. I am reminded of our bedtime story, I Love You Stinky Face. I read it to you each night while you sit on my lap nestled against me. Yes, it's the one that you try to hold and turn the pages while I'm still reading. At least once or twice during the story you will turn your little head to watch me with your big beautiful eyes as I read.
I love that book. It's a very cute story. The other night while rocking you and giving you a few extra cuddles I read the back of the book. The back of the book speaks to the unconditional love of a mother. In the book the mother's love is tested. This year has tested us but I hope you h…

Preemie Mom: Grief from pregnancy and delivery

I don’t have baby fever. Nope, not at all. Instead I’m the person tagging my husband on the story of the vasectomy celebration thrown by a wife for her husband. Complete with the snip snip hooray cake.

However, when I see a big pregnant belly or hear of a mom talking about packing her hospital bag, the twinges come. This is when the twinges of grief and dare I say envy come in every now and then.

I’m a preemie mom. As preemie mom I lost out on the last three months of pregnancy. I just got to the third trimester in time to have my pregnancy unexpectedly come to an end. Suddenly, gone was my time to spend with my oldest as I savored the last little bit of him as my only little boy, my baby. Gone was the time of planning and prepping the nursery. And yes, gone was the time of sleepless nights, crazy feeling hiccups, heart burn, and aches and pains. Basically the unpleasant but proud markers of pregnancy.

I lost out on so much. I didn’t get to post to social media asking for everyone’s h…