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Showing posts from August, 2016

Footprints

There is the saying "walk a mile in their shoes." You all have walked many miles with us this past year. Through the 10,000 miles added to our car as we went through the NICU journey, to the many miles of specialists, therapy, open heart surgery, and various other appiointments. You also traveled with us through the miles that weren't logged as we were essentially home bound with Kaleb's compromised immune system and medical equipment. This first picture was taken August 31st last year as we headed out the door to Tulsa. I had simply taken the picture to show my mom that after five days of bed rest my swelling was down and I could finally wear shoes after weeks of nothing but flip flops that dug into my feet. Little did I know how symbolic this picture was. It represented the starting line of our journey. 

Later that day my feet would walk into the room at the fetal maternal specialist's office to have a 45 minute ultrasound that would show that the blood flow had…

August 26th

August 26th, this day has significant meaning to me and my family. A year ago today is when this whole roller coaster ride began. It is hard to believe that it has been a full year now since we first heard the words, “very small preemie,” “heart defect,” “IUGR,” and “Down syndrome.” In some ways I feel as if it were yesterday as I can easily recall even the simplest details of the day as I have played them in my mind so many times. In other ways it feels as if I have lived a lifetime since that day.
For some it may not be the most interesting post I’ve ever written but I’ve told people that at some point I would share the story of that day and the upcoming week. It can be tough as I relive those memories and the feelings that accompany them. It is also very therapeutic as I write them and see the journey we have made it through by His love and grace. So the following are my memories of that day.
On Wednesday, August 26th, TJ and I headed to Tulsa for a routine checkup where I would ge…

The Difference a Year Makes

I stood in church Sunday morning holding Kaleb as the worship team began. I stood there singing along with them as he laid his head against my chest and placed his little hand in my own. I couldn't believe how full my heart was, how in love I was with this little boy in my arms. While I was savoring the moment TJ  leaned over to me and motioned to one of the worship leaders and asked, "is she the one?" I knew exactly what he was asking and I looked. Sure enough she was. I was suddenly transported back to another church service, one that happened eleven months ago. 
A week and a half after having Kaleb we went to church before heading to the NICU. While there this lady began leading worship. I became angry. I had already held myself together as I passed pregnant women or mothers with their little babies. Then the worship team began playing. I had watched this lady as she began to sing. That is when the anger and frustration hit. I could just picture her, this beautiful lad…