Skip to main content

How do I say goodbye?

This was inspired by a photo taken of my grandmother (Nanny) by my uncle and given to me by my mother. It is a photo that speaks of the love and history between a couple as their journey on this earth has come to an end. It is definitely a photo that speaks a thousand words. 

This is not only for my grandparents but all of those couples that have battled life together and miss their battle partner and to those of us aspiring for this type of marriage. 

How do I say goodbye?

How do I say goodbye? For this I have no answer. I look down at my hands bent with age and instead see them as they were when you first took my hand when we were a couple of kids just trying to figure out this life. Then as they were when you took my hand in marriage and we were two kids saying we would figure out this life together.

I bring my hands to my eyes to wipe away the tears and I am brought back to all of the times I brought my hands to my eyes as I attempted to wipe away sleep during those sleepless nights with infants. Babies who only seemed to be content in my arms. That was okay though, I savored those moments staring at their little faces seeing the pieces of you and me brought together in miniature form. Wondering if they would have my smile or your sense of humor. 

I touch the flag draped over your casket and again the years melt away as I remember. Together we battled a war. You protected and maintained our country's freedom and I worked to protect and maintain our family. 

No life has not always been easy. As I sit here unable to stand on my knees for long periods of time I remember all the times that life brought us to our knees. Life hasn't always gone the way we thought, then again life rarely does. Oh but darling the things we have gone through, together. 

So no I'm not ready to say goodbye. While one might look and see nothing more than a little old woman sitting at a casket of a little old man; I see a lifetime lived. A life time of love. It's not their fault, for they weren't with us on our journey. While they see you laying here in your suit, they are not transported back to the day I helped you into your suit jacket as you prepared to walk our little girl down the aisle. They can't imagine all of the memories that are ours alone. They were not there for all the whispered conversations in the dark or early morning talks. 

My mind and heart remember the birthday parties, anniversaries, holiday dinners, and other moments that found us together as life played out around us. Even as the years appeared to speed up and our bodies slowed down, life found us together.

How do I say goodbye? All of our years together have been unable to answer this question or prepare me for this moment. The moment we both knew would eventually be ours. The moment when our journey on earth would come to an end and our journey in eternity together had yet to begin. In the meantime how do I say goodbye? For this I do not have an answer. So I will sit here beside you one more time my darling and remember... 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My letter to Alex Gordon

Alex, I wanted to share a few pictures with you that show why I'm writing to thank you. You see my three year old, Kaden, knows more about baseball and the Royals than many adults I know. He loves as he would put it "all of the Royals" but without a doubt, without any hesitation when asked who is his favorite player is his answer is always one player; you.  I'm not kidding when I say Gordo was one of his first words. In fact anything baseball for the longest time was called Gordo. I'm not exactly sure why he took such a liking to you. I joke it's because his first ever game at the K and you hit a grand slam when he was not even a year old. For what ever reason he adores you. He even has a little Gordo plush doll that he likes to take everywhere.  This past year has been the toughest year for our family. Our second son, Kaleb, was born 12 weeks early at 2lb 2oz. We also learned of his diagnosis of Down syndrome two days after his birth. He spent...
5 comments
Read more

Home

Sitting here in Kaleb's nursery rocking him I look around his room and think about how many people have contributed to his room. How incredibly loved he is. I look at the decals I searched for and then put up with the help of his daddy. The chair I am sitting in given to us by Heather who sometime soon I will trust to oversee his care during the day. The little bear on the nightstand that Haley helped me pick out for him before we left the NICU. On the bookshelf sits the Curious George from Nana. I also see the Panda bear from Rance, Jessica, and Heath.  Baskets purchased while shopping with Courtney. Even the cart that his Grammy and Gramps found so that we could put all of his medical equipment on so that we could wheel it around the house. Everything in his room all the way down to the baseboards and doors finished by Daddy and Dalton were a work of love as we prepared the room for our little K2. The NICU family print that will soon be on the wall above his dresser, signed by th...
3 comments
Read more

Special Kaden Day

 June 1st (We have now celebrated two annual Special Kaden Days) I talk about our journey with Kaleb a lot. He has to work so hard all the time. But today we recognize Kaden. Our kid who deserves a special day to recognize how awesome he is. Last spring on Kaleb’s heartiversary, Kaden got to talking about how cool it was that Kaleb got to celebrate several different days (World Down Syndrome Day, NICU graduation, heart anniversary, etc.). However, he pointed out it was kinda sad that he didn’t really have any other day except his birthday. I told him to pick a day and we would make that Special Kaden Day. He picked June 1st. So today we celebrate our second annual Special Kaden Day. My heart aches to think about everything he has gone through in his eight and a half years. From Kaleb’s extended NICU stay that also turned his world upside down at two and three years old, to Kaleb’s medical equipment and issues, Kaleb hospital stays that took Momma away from him, the flood, and t...
Post a Comment
Read more