This use to be my prayer to God. Let me see the world trough your eyes. The idea behind this prayer was to see the world like He does so that I might love like He does. Even if as a human it could only ever be the smallest of fractions compared to His love.
Enter Kaden, enter Kaleb. With the two of them I became of a mom to 93 chromosomes (one with 46 and one with an extra, resulting in 47).
With Kaden, my prescription got stronger as I learned of a new love; the love of a parent. How a parent's heart stretches to hold this love so big at times you worry it might burst. As a friend likes to say, "You learn what it's like to have your heart walk in another's body" (and that is coming from a friend who doesn't get mushy and emotional). If I was capable of this love, I could only imagine how much deeper his love for us is.
However, with Kaleb, I worried. I worried that his prematurity and extra chromosome would jade me. That I would see the all the bad there is to see. The hospitals with their tears and heartache. I worried about extra appointments, delays, and limitations. I worried about discrimination and sometimes intolerance towards those with special needs. I worried (and still do) about bullying, hurtful words, and unkind peers. I worried that all of it might harden my heart to the goodness and beauty I longed to see.
There is an old saying, "Don't pray for patience, unless you're ready for God to put you through the wringer." While I feel like this might not be the best Christian saying out there, I understand the idea. As it's in the tough trials that we can gain patience.
God answered my prayer. Just in ways that was beyond my imagination. And it was an adjustment...
I remember growing up and getting new glasses. This happened roughly once a year, due to the fact that I have very bad eye sight. Growing up, typically when it was time for my next appointment I would need a new prescription. My new glasses would come in and I would put them on. The stronger prescription would always result in an adjustment.
At first I would have to watch my step as the ground would seem un level. It was more of an issue with my peripheral. It wasn't so bad if I looked straight ahead to what was in front of me, but when I would try to expand my vision and focus on things outside of my central vision I had trouble. My glasses were an adjustment as my eyes and mind took in all of the new detail that I was able to see more clearly. The frames would also feel different from the frames I had broken in and had been accustomed to.
This pretty accurately sums up my life after Kaleb. It took me a while to understand God was strengthening my prescription. With the birth of my new son my new pair of glasses had come in. The frames and shape of lens felt different, they didn't feel like they fit. But God showed me, they just hadn't been broken in. The ground felt un level as he used Kaleb to take my to places outside of my comfort zone and I walked hospital floors and over home medical equipment. The glasses were okay as long as I looked to Him and straight ahead to the day that lay before me. However, it was when I would use my peripheral to try and see things outside of the present and my control that caused it to be blurry and out of focus.
My new prescription was a strength that was much closer to His eyes. Through my new prescription I have seen a world I had never ventured. As only the right prescription can do, it has allowed me to have clarity and discover the world around me. This new vision has come with a new passion and desire which has led to the formation of Mighty Miracles Foundation. With these glasses I daily get to see the joy that shines in Kaleb, which serves as window to view the good around me. With these glasses I see my own weaknesses through Kaleb's strength, my own doubts and limitations placed. With these glasses I see my own struggles and insecurities through Kaden's love and acceptance of Kaleb and as he would say, "all people". He is just Kaleb; his brother, his friend.
My prescription continues to change and I work to adjust to them and always remember that it is through this that I am getting my prayer answered. This continues to come in many forms. Continuous fights with Kaleb to work on gross motor skills, celebrating when Kaden or Kaleb reach a new skill, mourning as a family struggles or loses their child, finding joy in he day to day tasks and battles of parenting children.
Lord, strengthen my prescription so that my eyes and heart more closely resemble you. It is not easy or pleasant being pushed out of my comfort zone, but when I am help me to see and use these times for what they are; a chance to grow closer to you and catch a glimpse of life from your eyes.