Skip to main content

Life’s MESSages

I haven’t written many blog posts in the past year. One, I struggled with finding the time. I know shocker right with two young children, career, and doctorate. The other reason though is I was dealing with an internal battle. I struggled with the line between upbeat and positive posts and how much to share of the harder and tougher posts. Another way to compare it, would be unicorns or also sometimes referred to as unicorn farts. Sure, I’ve shared my fair share of poop stories, after all I am the mother to two boys. But I’m not sure I’ve ever written about farts. However, the unicorn holds a special place in many of my fellow Rockin’ moms. If you want to read of another blog post about the significance of the unicorn click here. The following is my explanation.

To explain, right after Kaleb’s diagnosis I would get online and I would find many uplifting and inspirational stories of parents talking about how quickly they came to terms with a Down syndrome diagnosis, how it is the greatest thing in the world, and everything is essentially rainbows and unicorns. Some, more eloquently refer to it as unicorn farts.  I liked these stories, I wanted desperately to believe them, I held on to this hope that they were true, but I wasn’t sold. Others like I was in the beginning and especially others outside of the Down syndrome adventure, have a hard time believing this and view it as people who spout off this nonsense must either be lying or in denial. In other words, these unicorn farts are just that, simply nonsense and a nice spin on Down syndrome. In their mind, they believe that these unicorn farts, call them or color them what you want, but in the end it all comes off crap.

Trust me, there is crap involved. A lot of it being our own insecurities, the world’s perception of different, mixed in with the chance of increased medical issues, longer wait times for milestones, and the need for a little more patience. I was also afraid that by sharing some of the hard parts of Down syndrome and his other health issues it would highlight the difficulties and not the amazing, albeit ornery, little boy he is. Because most parents will tell you that that extra chromosome will teach them so many extra life lessons that they wouldn’t have learned any other way. So many do this primarily sharing the sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns; myself included.

I began to realize my posts were becoming all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. I saw it. I also felt bad, because I realized I began to wait to write until I could put the positive to it. Then by life being life and being hard, I didn’t write. By doing this I wasn’t sharing the whole story. I believe there needs to be a combination. In fact what good is the positives and good, if not for the hard parts? It really started being put on my heart that in order to really share our journey that I needed to get back to sharing all of it. I believe there is beautiful in the messes of life. That it is in the mess of life that we often find life’s messages. You can’t even spell messages without the word mess in it. No mess, no message.



This is me getting back to writing and sharing our stories. So here are life’s MESSages. The good, the bad, the ugly. The unicorns and the unicorn farts. I will share the times that seem all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns farts; as well as the days those unicorn farts are more stinky than glittery. 


(This picture just made me laugh and I had to share). 😉

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

These Adventures We Call Life: A New Diagnosis

I’ve unpacked most of our luggage from vacation. Laundry and dishwasher are both running. I’m now sitting here in the recliner researching and reading, trying to expand my knowledge on Kaleb’s latest diagnosis. I am reading about cerebral palsy, or more specifically, spastic diplegia CP. The movie Avatar is playing in the background. Why do I mention the movie playing when I have much more on my mind today after Kaleb getting yet another diagnosis added to his seemingly ever growing file? It’s because the choice in movie.
After a few minutes I am reminded as my heart aches from processing this new piece of information that this movie ironically was on the tv on another hard day in my life. That realization, the recall of that memory, and life following suddenly makes it easier to process this new added section to Kaleb’s file. That day was the day after Kaleb’s diagnosis of Down syndrome. It was also our last night in the hospital. I was going to be discharged the following day. TJ an…

Happy birthday: I Love You Stinky Face

Happy birthday Kaleb! Every birthday a person experiences is special but I'm not sure one has held so much significance for me as your first birthday. In some ways I feel that it is my own, since it signifies the beginning of my own transformation.

I think back to this past year filled with all the tears, heartaches, prayers, cuddles, hope, and love. I am reminded of our bedtime story, I Love You Stinky Face. I read it to you each night while you sit on my lap nestled against me. Yes, it's the one that you try to hold and turn the pages while I'm still reading. At least once or twice during the story you will turn your little head to watch me with your big beautiful eyes as I read.
I love that book. It's a very cute story. The other night while rocking you and giving you a few extra cuddles I read the back of the book. The back of the book speaks to the unconditional love of a mother. In the book the mother's love is tested. This year has tested us but I hope you h…

May I Have This Dance

As I spin you in my arms dancing around the living room I look at your beautiful face and you look up smiling at me. It's such a sweet moment, the kind of moment that you want to bottle up and keep forever. As we dance I watch your tiny little hand rest in mine and I lean my head against yours. As we dance I think of dancing with you as you grow throughout the years. Dances with you on my feet while I lead and then dances as you get older and you lead. My train of thought continues drifting the years of your life until the thought of dancing with you at your wedding plays in my mind. That sweet moment I had been enjoying is interrupted and is replaced with frustration and heart ache. You see my precious child I love you so much and it pains me whenever I have a thought and then begin to wonder if you will ever get to experience it. 
Then almost as quickly as the frustration and heart ache appears it disappears and is replaced with feelings of irritation at myself. I work to be to a…