Skip to main content

The Fan

These are all fans. Some prettier than others or fancier than others. But they are all fans and all get the job done. When I think back on August 27th, 2015 what I remember is a fan, this fan. Just a simple plate and tongue depressor taped together. The creator even went one step further and wrote “fan” on it to make sure everyone knew what it was. Sometimes in life we get handed a life isn’t as pretty or fancy as we thought or dreamed. But then sometimes when we stop to take a good look at our life, it is still a life we love, a life we dreamed of.


We were at the lab to have my blood drawn for the MaterniT21 test to test for Down syndrome when I found this fan. TJ and I loved it and it diffused the situation. In fact we found ourselves taking a picture of it. I still remember TJ using it to fan the nurse who was having a hot flash while she drew my blood. This all happening while I worked hard to not think or even consider the possibility of what they were checking for. I wanted to think and focus on the “pretty” life that I dreamed and envisioned.

I was about to learn a new perspective. I was about to learn that my life might look different from what I had expected but it was a life worth having. It was a life richer than I could have ever imagined. Yes, it would include difficulties that I didn’t realize I would face as I advocated for my child. But I also soon learned that I was proud of my fan/life.

Just like the creator who wrote “fan,” I might even have to write “happy family” or “same.” Some don’t believe it or recognize it for what it is, they don’t know any better and just see different. When in actuality our family and our “normal” resembles that of many families. Two boys with their own unique personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and likes. In many ways I did get the life I dreamed of just with a little bit of a different look. My life isn’t any better than yours, but yours isn’t any better than mine either.

That day in the lab, a lab draw which would later be the one to tell us that our life was going to look different than planned, a little fan stays with me. It reminds me that when life doesn’t go the way you plan, you adapt. You might even be surprised to find that you end with what you were looking for in the first place. It’s not about the prettiness but the purpose and my fan holds up just fine. My fan, is pretty cool. (Pun intended, couldn’t help myself.) 😉😊😉

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

These Adventures We Call Life: A New Diagnosis

I’ve unpacked most of our luggage from vacation. Laundry and dishwasher are both running. I’m now sitting here in the recliner researching and reading, trying to expand my knowledge on Kaleb’s latest diagnosis. I am reading about cerebral palsy, or more specifically, spastic diplegia CP. The movie Avatar is playing in the background. Why do I mention the movie playing when I have much more on my mind today after Kaleb getting yet another diagnosis added to his seemingly ever growing file? It’s because the choice in movie.
After a few minutes I am reminded as my heart aches from processing this new piece of information that this movie ironically was on the tv on another hard day in my life. That realization, the recall of that memory, and life following suddenly makes it easier to process this new added section to Kaleb’s file. That day was the day after Kaleb’s diagnosis of Down syndrome. It was also our last night in the hospital. I was going to be discharged the following day. TJ an…

Happy birthday: I Love You Stinky Face

Happy birthday Kaleb! Every birthday a person experiences is special but I'm not sure one has held so much significance for me as your first birthday. In some ways I feel that it is my own, since it signifies the beginning of my own transformation.

I think back to this past year filled with all the tears, heartaches, prayers, cuddles, hope, and love. I am reminded of our bedtime story, I Love You Stinky Face. I read it to you each night while you sit on my lap nestled against me. Yes, it's the one that you try to hold and turn the pages while I'm still reading. At least once or twice during the story you will turn your little head to watch me with your big beautiful eyes as I read.
I love that book. It's a very cute story. The other night while rocking you and giving you a few extra cuddles I read the back of the book. The back of the book speaks to the unconditional love of a mother. In the book the mother's love is tested. This year has tested us but I hope you h…

Preemie Mom: Grief from pregnancy and delivery

I don’t have baby fever. Nope, not at all. Instead I’m the person tagging my husband on the story of the vasectomy celebration thrown by a wife for her husband. Complete with the snip snip hooray cake.

However, when I see a big pregnant belly or hear of a mom talking about packing her hospital bag, the twinges come. This is when the twinges of grief and dare I say envy come in every now and then.

I’m a preemie mom. As preemie mom I lost out on the last three months of pregnancy. I just got to the third trimester in time to have my pregnancy unexpectedly come to an end. Suddenly, gone was my time to spend with my oldest as I savored the last little bit of him as my only little boy, my baby. Gone was the time of planning and prepping the nursery. And yes, gone was the time of sleepless nights, crazy feeling hiccups, heart burn, and aches and pains. Basically the unpleasant but proud markers of pregnancy.

I lost out on so much. I didn’t get to post to social media asking for everyone’s h…