Skip to main content

I love you more than a marshmallow

“Momma, I actually love you more than a marshmallow.”

This was what Kaden said to me as he got into his pajamas and gave me a big hug last night. This expression pretty much sums up my night last night. A chaotic night over a marshmallow. However, once again God used Kaden to show me my own lessons that I also struggle with in my life and my relationship with Him.

Kaden is a picky eater. Okay, that may be an understatement. In fact last month we told him that his four favorite meals were off limits. That he had to learn to try other foods and eat different things. He has done better but it’s still a constant battle.

Tonight he wanted dessert after dinner. He wanted a jumbo marshmallow. (Isn’t that what everyone selects for dessert???) After the rest of us were finished he still hasn’t eaten that much and had entered the negotiation stage. The can I get it down from eating everything to a certain number of bites stage. After another long while of battling and it getting closer to time for him to have to leave for basketball practice, we finally told him no marshmallow.

This was followed by tears and a very upset little boy. He got dressed for practice and I tried to talk to him before he left. Out of his frustration and anger he told me, “I love you. But I want a marshmallow more than I love you.”

He said it to show me just how badly he wanted a marshmallow. That momma knew how much he loved me that it would prove how great his desire. Of course with my tender hearted boy he was apologizing, afraid he hurt my feelings, and giving me kisses almost as soon as it was out of his mouth. But after he and his daddy left for practice it made me think that me and my Heavenly Father have had very similar chats. As I’ve said before my biggest issues are my need to control and that I think I know best. Often I’m like my six year old, “I love you. But I want my ideas/plans for my life more.”

Kaden was processing some big emotions. His feelings about how we want him to eat certain foods that he doesn’t want, but knows he knows he should and that it’s for his own good. Coupled with processing the feelings of wanting something so bad but not being able to have it. Yep kid, been there, done that. I, too, knows my fathers plans are for the best, but it can be so hard to lay down the feelings of wanting something but it not meant to be.

I can write, read, and recite verses (and I do) like Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” This can be a hard one and one that is easier said than done. This is difficult to take to heart when I think; Lord, I trust you, but can we revisit my script and rough draft? I think you may have gotten the wrong cast for this script. Every day is a daily reminder to let go of my sense of control and ideas and to trust in Him.

That I can take comfort in my knowledge he loves me so much that even when I might cry or become upset he is there with his arms open for me to come running and say, “Lord, I love you more than a marshmallow.”

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Preemie Mom: Grief from pregnancy and delivery

I don’t have baby fever. Nope, not at all. Instead I’m the person tagging my husband on the story of the vasectomy celebration thrown by a wife for her husband. Complete with the snip snip hooray cake.

However, when I see a big pregnant belly or hear of a mom talking about packing her hospital bag, the twinges come. This is when the twinges of grief and dare I say envy come in every now and then.

I’m a preemie mom. As preemie mom I lost out on the last three months of pregnancy. I just got to the third trimester in time to have my pregnancy unexpectedly come to an end. Suddenly, gone was my time to spend with my oldest as I savored the last little bit of him as my only little boy, my baby. Gone was the time of planning and prepping the nursery. And yes, gone was the time of sleepless nights, crazy feeling hiccups, heart burn, and aches and pains. Basically the unpleasant but proud markers of pregnancy.

I lost out on so much. I didn’t get to post to social media asking for everyone’s h…

Our Stories

Our Stories: Reflections of the 2018 DSDN Rockin' Mom Retreat
After last year’s DSDN Rockin’ Mom retreat I wrote about the power of our hands. (Linked here). This year I leave with the importance of stories. Our stories. Everyone who has heard Bethany Van Delft's story was very excited to hear from her. Even though I was two years removed from our diagnosis and therefore past the initial processing of our diagnosis and the accompanying emotions, it brought me to tears when I listened to her story.

Every time I share our story or hear a story that I connect with at such an intense level it brings a sense of release. Sometimes it's those stories of our tough times, times when we feel so alone, that people relate to the most. That when we bring ourselves to share, we realize how truly similar we are to what others have felt and we connect to those stories. Those stories can bond us. They can change us. They can empower us.

At the retreat Bethany spoke about the events surround…

SPANX and Parenting

I will never forget when I went to an interview almost eight years ago. I felt uncomfortable in the dress I was wearing so I got some shapewear. (The 33 year old me who has since housed and birthed two tiny humans, now rolls my eyes at the 25 year old me. Shapewear. 🙄 Oh hun, just wait a few years...). I digress... So 25 year old me goes to this interview attempting to put my best face, or waist, forward.

However, while sitting in the chair they had led me to I waited for the interviewer to arrive. I looked down and to my horror my shapewear had slid down and was now showing underneath my dress. I discreetly attempted to push it back up while appearing to be a professional lady simply waiting for the interview. At this point in time I was listing to myself all the reasons why I should have been comfortable to go as me. That I didn’t need shapewear. Needless to say there wasn’t a way to pull it up to stay. And of course they wanted to give a tour and I spent the whole dang time wonderi…