Skip to main content

I love you more than a marshmallow

“Momma, I actually love you more than a marshmallow.”

This was what Kaden said to me as he got into his pajamas and gave me a big hug last night. This expression pretty much sums up my night last night. A chaotic night over a marshmallow. However, once again God used Kaden to show me my own lessons that I also struggle with in my life and my relationship with Him.

Kaden is a picky eater. Okay, that may be an understatement. In fact last month we told him that his four favorite meals were off limits. That he had to learn to try other foods and eat different things. He has done better but it’s still a constant battle.

Tonight he wanted dessert after dinner. He wanted a jumbo marshmallow. (Isn’t that what everyone selects for dessert???) After the rest of us were finished he still hasn’t eaten that much and had entered the negotiation stage. The can I get it down from eating everything to a certain number of bites stage. After another long while of battling and it getting closer to time for him to have to leave for basketball practice, we finally told him no marshmallow.

This was followed by tears and a very upset little boy. He got dressed for practice and I tried to talk to him before he left. Out of his frustration and anger he told me, “I love you. But I want a marshmallow more than I love you.”

He said it to show me just how badly he wanted a marshmallow. That momma knew how much he loved me that it would prove how great his desire. Of course with my tender hearted boy he was apologizing, afraid he hurt my feelings, and giving me kisses almost as soon as it was out of his mouth. But after he and his daddy left for practice it made me think that me and my Heavenly Father have had very similar chats. As I’ve said before my biggest issues are my need to control and that I think I know best. Often I’m like my six year old, “I love you. But I want my ideas/plans for my life more.”

Kaden was processing some big emotions. His feelings about how we want him to eat certain foods that he doesn’t want, but knows he knows he should and that it’s for his own good. Coupled with processing the feelings of wanting something so bad but not being able to have it. Yep kid, been there, done that. I, too, knows my fathers plans are for the best, but it can be so hard to lay down the feelings of wanting something but it not meant to be.

I can write, read, and recite verses (and I do) like Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” This can be a hard one and one that is easier said than done. This is difficult to take to heart when I think; Lord, I trust you, but can we revisit my script and rough draft? I think you may have gotten the wrong cast for this script. Every day is a daily reminder to let go of my sense of control and ideas and to trust in Him.

That I can take comfort in my knowledge he loves me so much that even when I might cry or become upset he is there with his arms open for me to come running and say, “Lord, I love you more than a marshmallow.”

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

These Adventures We Call Life: A New Diagnosis

I’ve unpacked most of our luggage from vacation. Laundry and dishwasher are both running. I’m now sitting here in the recliner researching and reading, trying to expand my knowledge on Kaleb’s latest diagnosis. I am reading about cerebral palsy, or more specifically, spastic diplegia CP. The movie Avatar is playing in the background. Why do I mention the movie playing when I have much more on my mind today after Kaleb getting yet another diagnosis added to his seemingly ever growing file? It’s because the choice in movie.
After a few minutes I am reminded as my heart aches from processing this new piece of information that this movie ironically was on the tv on another hard day in my life. That realization, the recall of that memory, and life following suddenly makes it easier to process this new added section to Kaleb’s file. That day was the day after Kaleb’s diagnosis of Down syndrome. It was also our last night in the hospital. I was going to be discharged the following day. TJ an…

Happy birthday: I Love You Stinky Face

Happy birthday Kaleb! Every birthday a person experiences is special but I'm not sure one has held so much significance for me as your first birthday. In some ways I feel that it is my own, since it signifies the beginning of my own transformation.

I think back to this past year filled with all the tears, heartaches, prayers, cuddles, hope, and love. I am reminded of our bedtime story, I Love You Stinky Face. I read it to you each night while you sit on my lap nestled against me. Yes, it's the one that you try to hold and turn the pages while I'm still reading. At least once or twice during the story you will turn your little head to watch me with your big beautiful eyes as I read.
I love that book. It's a very cute story. The other night while rocking you and giving you a few extra cuddles I read the back of the book. The back of the book speaks to the unconditional love of a mother. In the book the mother's love is tested. This year has tested us but I hope you h…

Preemie Mom: Grief from pregnancy and delivery

I don’t have baby fever. Nope, not at all. Instead I’m the person tagging my husband on the story of the vasectomy celebration thrown by a wife for her husband. Complete with the snip snip hooray cake.

However, when I see a big pregnant belly or hear of a mom talking about packing her hospital bag, the twinges come. This is when the twinges of grief and dare I say envy come in every now and then.

I’m a preemie mom. As preemie mom I lost out on the last three months of pregnancy. I just got to the third trimester in time to have my pregnancy unexpectedly come to an end. Suddenly, gone was my time to spend with my oldest as I savored the last little bit of him as my only little boy, my baby. Gone was the time of planning and prepping the nursery. And yes, gone was the time of sleepless nights, crazy feeling hiccups, heart burn, and aches and pains. Basically the unpleasant but proud markers of pregnancy.

I lost out on so much. I didn’t get to post to social media asking for everyone’s h…